Doink And The Epic Fail

This tulip has absolutely nothing to do with this story.

My beautiful tulip has absolutely nothing to do with this story.  But that color yellow will come up in a minute, just wait.

I know you’ve had a day when things weren’t going right.  We’ve all been there.   Well, today was special in a WHAT MORE COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG kinda way.

I had one goal for the day.  Finish painting the new shed.  I’ve not shared the building of this shed with you, because I wanted it to be all spiffy and cute before I showed it to ya.  A little Chicken Mama surprise.

Painting around animals is a risky proposition.  The barnyard is one big open space.  I have one gate that keeps them in the coop/old shed area and out of the barnyard area.   To paint, I needed everyone behind that gate.  Actually, that’s not totally correct.  To paint DOWN LOW, I needed them behind the gate to keep them out of the wet paint.  But to paint UP HIGH, I only needed the patience to deal with curious animals while I tried to balance on a ladder perched on decidedly uneven ground with paint cup and brush in hand. (Did I mention they all hate that gate and tend to complain when they can’t see what’s going on?)

Anyway, I broke all painting rules and painted the top half of the new shed with the help of Brandy and Jessie circling my ladder, then shooed them all behind the gate, closed it and started on the bottom half.

This worked until Doink became impatient.  I had one section of wet paint left – the back side of the shed facing the fence.  But Doinkman was now screaming his head off.  (If you haven’t heard an impatient pig, just imagine very loud nails on a chalkboard.)  I ran around and got the ladder to block off one end of the wet paint area and a board to block off the other.

Then I opened the gate.  Both Brandy and Jessie IMMEDIATELY rushed the wet paint blocking devices.  It was like they had a homing device to the exact spot I wanted them to ignore.  I spent a good five minutes trying to get them interested in something else.  Lordy, they are single-minded animals, those goats.  But finally they wandered off, leaving me exhausted and vaguely triumphant.

Hmm, maybe if I push this thing with my head I can move it.

Hmm, maybe if I push this thing with my head I can move it.  I know she’s got something good back there!

How could she keep us from the most exciting part of the barnyard?

How could she keep us from the most exciting part of the barnyard?

Vaguely triumphant lasted about two seconds – until I saw Doink.  In the panic of trying to get the wet paint blocked off and let him out so he would stop screaming, I had put down my paint cup and brush.  Which, while I was dealing with the goats, Doink decided to explore with gusto.

WHAAT?  Why are you looking at me like that?

WHAAT? Why are you looking at me like that?

I now had a yellow paint-covered pig.  Panic ensued.  Maybe he’ll let me hose him off? NOOOOOOO.  Let’s just say there was water, resistance to water, treats that did not help, and unintended paint on a chicken.  He is one smart pig and quickly became wary of my every effort to remove the paint.

Oh my.

Oh my.

To make matters worse, I had on my winter work clothes (it was still cool when I started around 9am) consisting of a stylish paint-covered turtleneck and jeans from the 70’s.  It was now mid-afternoon and almost 80°.  I was wrestling with a pig and was the most uncomfortable person on the planet.

But I regrouped BECAUSE I’M SMARTER THAN THE PIG.  I’ll change clothes and finish painting, I said.  So I ran inside, grabbed the red paint I purchased for the doors and did all that “cutting in” detail work that’s better left to paint professionals.  I did UP HIGH and DOWN LOW, putting my body between the curious goats and the shed until the paint had dried. YES, I said!  My pig is yellow but I finished the job!

Then I stepped back to survey my handiwork.  It took me about one millisecond to realize that I had painted the doors the wrong red, the fire-engine red, the one I bought and hated.  The correct color, the barn red, was still in the kitchen.  Maybe I’m not smarter than the pig after all.

That is SO not the right color. Hurts my eyes just looking at it.

That is SO not the right color. Hurts my eyes just looking at it.

Oh, yes, it was that kind of day.  All I can say is thank goodness it’s over.  Oh, and thank goodness for margaritas and ibuprofen, too.

(Shared at Simple Lives ThursdayHome Acre Hop, Down Home Hop, Backyard Farming Connection, Tuesdays With A Twist, Maple Hill HopHomestead Barn Hop, Clever Chicks HopSimple Saturday, Farmgirl FridayOld Fashioned Friday and From the Farm Hop)


  1. From where I’m sittin’,that red ain’t too bad. Toss in a few more margaritas and it will look FANTASTIC! Be sure to tell Doink “Thanks for the laugh”.
    City Boy recently posted…Spring Spa Day At City Boy Hens

  2. What color did you want to paint Doink? Should be something manly but playful!

  3. I just came across your blog via another blog I follow. Just stopped in for a visit.
    Kristina recently posted…Broody Hen ~ Pie Pan “Bird Bangers” ~ Canned Tuna

  4. Nice shed. I love the stories about these silly animals.
    Diana recently posted…Saving a Library Book

  5. Thankfully Doink was painted yellow…it could be worse if it were barn red colour!! Whatever…he is still cute and innocent:)

  6. OhhhKay this is hilarious! I laughed out loud when I saw the photo of Doink… To funny! Glad it all got worked out. I love the new shed, it’s a beauty and am always so impressed with your barn yard skills. Are you repainting the doors? Perhaps after a few margi’s the color grow on you 🙂
    Jen recently posted…We’re Back…

    • It would take an entire day of margs for that red to work! What you can’t see is the coop (which is the correct red) off to the left. It looks like a train wreck of red! If the wind ever dies down – ugh – I’ll get my paint brush out and correct the problem!

      And BTW, your photos are PHENOMENAL 🙂

  7. Oh my. Never ask, “What else can go wrong?”, ’cause then you’re just inviting it into your life! What an ordeal! I’ll bet tomorrow will be better!
    Thanks for sharing this on The Maple Hill Hop!
    daisy recently posted…The Maple Hill Hop 28

  8. Well I have to say, I quite like that red and the contrast with the rest of the shed. But then, I quite like gaudy things. I’m not sure if I’d want to look at it day in, day out …

  9. Well I think it is really pretty. And I would love to have Doink come for a visit. 🙂 He seems like such a special pig.

  10. Denise Burg says:

    Hilarious! Oh, I guess I should not be laughing at your expense. Doink knows real men wear “yellow”. Should have had it all on video!!! Hooray for margaritas!
    Denise Burg